Newest Entry
Newest Entry
Older Entries
Older Entries

Read My Profile
Read My Profile
Contact Me
Contact Me

Sign My Guestbook
Sign My Guestbook

View My Webcam
View My Webcam

Other Diaries
Other Diaries
DiaryLand.com
DiaryLand.com
Marginalized

January 02, 2004 - 6:58 pm


Do you ever get the feeling that you've been replaced? 'Cause I sure do get that feeling a lot these days. Deb calls me her best friend but i'm not really feeling that. She's been pretty lonely while school is in session and i've always hoped she'd meet new people and make new friends so she wouldn't have to sit alone in her room all the time. And she finally did meet some new people and I'm cool with that, but now I get the feeling i'm not wanted anymore. She doesn't need me to make her feel wanted and loved anymore.

Maybe I should have seen this coming. When I first started dating her, it became quite noticiable that her other friends were being pushed aside so that she could spend as much time with me as possible. I brought this up to her a few times because I was feeling smothered at times and I liked her friends anyways, and didn't want her to lose those older friendships because of our relationship. I don't know if they ever said anything to her about it, but she eventually made an effort to better maintain those old friends, even if it meant being away from me or whatever. I was glad for some freedom of my own as well as her being able to go out and have fun with her friends. I did not demand or want all of her time.

But now its all happening again, except this time I'm the old friend who is being shoved aside. People she's known for maybe a month now get all of her attention and time. Perhaps I was just a little too used to being the center of her affection for too long... but if she's got all this time to spend with her friends, night after night, until all hours of the morning, why don't I get any? She's seen the same people now for who knows how many days in a row, whereas the last time i saw her was only because she needed to borrow something. And even that was obviously not something she wanted to do. She was ready to leave as soon as she got here. I guess i'm just not new and fresh anymore and now i'm getting kicked back under the rock i crawled out from under.

I'm so tired of being alone all the time. All i want is a friend...



My Candas The Leah