But an even more unexpected surprise was that she actually asked me if I wanted to go out to hang out together tonight. I'm not sure if this was just to show pity on the poor little crying boy or maybe she really did think that she was spending too much time around Aaron & Crew. But please don't think that i'm the only one who's noticed a change in her. She told me that even her mother is feeling a little left out now. But you know, none of that really mattered to me after a few seconds, i was just glad to actually be able to see my friend. And while i've kinda been wanting to meet these new folk, i was kinda upset when she said she wanted to bring one of the Crew along. I said a quick prayer that he wouldn't be able to come because i was really hoping to spend some time with Deb and work on a friendship that i feel is just crumbling to pieces. My prayer was answered when she said he couldn't go. But I guess i should have expected that she certainly couldn't go a full night without something to remind her of her current obsession. She made sure to bring a CD he'd "made" to play in the car. Now i'm in no way averse to listening to electronic-trance-type music, since I had at one time tried to introduce her to something very similar. But now, since it was Aaron, she was fascinated by even the most mundane of events... like a beat change. Fantastic... he slid a little lever or maybe turned a little knob to make the record turn faster. Excuse me if i'm not amazed. Oh, he changed the pitch? Also riveting. And I could barely contain myself when i heard that the whole CD was just one track that could loop endlessly for hours. I will admit that it does take more skill and effort than what I care to put forth to fade one track into another, but thats simply because i have no rhythm or musical sense. I prefer simply to just put a CD in and push play. Thats the extent of my musical mixing capabilities. But since this was Aaron, I think she just about had an orgasm in my car. I would have been able to enjoy it a whole lot more if she'd have just shut up about all the obvious technical BS and just let the music play. When i could actually hear the music over her squeals of obsessed devotion, it wasn't bad. I didn't like of it, but he's just an amatuer and it's still better than my (non-existant)CD, so i'm not going to completely trash him or his CD. And she certainly didn't need to defend it like some rabid she-beast. Some of those samples were just bad choices, and lets face it, it sounded bad at times. I decided to give her a little bit of the same treatment she gave me when I played the stuff I listened to for her. For some reason, she didn't find it nearly as funny when it was directed her wanna-be boyfriendbooty callwhatever. And she's welcome to poke fun at world famous DJs like Paul Oakenfold, who can actually make a living doing that, but no one is gonna take her serious trying to defend some guy who just plays with his records in his room.
Ok, so that was just the car ride. Then we get to Fossil to spend some christmas money I got. I brought her along as my fashion consultant because I really have no sense of fashion and i'm not ashamed to say it. I can't pick out an outfit, its not something i really care that much about. But if I have some money to spend and I want to look nice, I value her opinion. Its only been a few hours since then, but I really don't remember much about it, which means it was bad and I'm repressing the memory, or there just wasn't anything memorable that happened. Either way, good enough for me.
So then its off to the movie. Saw "Something's Gotta Give" based on the recommendation of my sister-in-law. Too much man-butt and too many references to old people having sex for my liking. It was funny though. I guess it was supposed to be a romantic comedy, although I guess I missed a lot of the romance, mostly just looked like sex and sexual innuendo to me. I recently started reading a book about Christians and dating and all the mess that can be associated with dating, which has given me a new perspective on the world's idea of romance. I plan to do a series of diary entries on the book as time permits. Movie, fairly enjoyable overall, got to see her laugh and smile, a rare commodity for me these days.
Next came dinner for her and dessert for me as we stopped at the Cheesecake Factory. It's a little expensive, but I was willing to pay. I was hoping to talk about the two of us and what was going on and what was going to happen. After ordering, Aaron & Crew almost immediatly became the main topic of discussion for pretty much the rest of dinner. I kept looking around for an old friend of mine who worked at the restruant, desperate for anything besides Aaron. I also tried to throw in a few witty jokes and whatnot, only to be told each time that I "wasn't cool like her and Aaron & Crew." Apparently they're just the coolest and cutest thing since sliced bread. Hearing so much about her activities with Aaron & Crew actually began to make me physicall ill. I've mentioned this before, I guess I wasn't clear enough. Although I wouldn't expect to have to tell her to talk to me, maybe about things that were important to me, because I know she knows there are things that have been bothering me. But the whole dinner was just a continuous stream of Aaron propaganda. She might of just as well turned around and told the stone column we were next to all that BS, because I really didn't care and was almost ready to just get up and leave (if it weren't for the matter of the check and the giant strawberry shortcake in front of me). Is it really just too much to forget about these people you've known for one month and talk with your friend about things that might actually matter to the both of you? There is pain and suffering in my heart, but all that seemed to matter was her. My family had always mentioned that she talked a lot about herself when we were first dating, but we also just figured she didn't know enough about us to converse about much of anything else. But now that i've known her for a year and a half, and she's made numerous claims about how well she knows me, one might think that she wouldn't talk about herself all the time. It's just so selfish and childish. If you think you're so grown up, please start acting like it. You are not the center of the universe. Aaron & Crew is not the center of the universe. I am not the center of the universe, and thankfully you seem to have finally come that conclusion these past few weeks. But i also don't enjoy being treated as if I don't exist. If you're gonna be be around me, you could at least try to acknowledge my being there, maybe even go so far as to even care about the things in my life. I can pass strangers on the street who will give me more of an acknowledgment than you did tonight. I'm sorry if I'm not cool enough for you to hang out with, but if that means I'd have to give up some of the positive aspects of who I am and the things I like about me, then by all means, don't been seen with me. I'd hate to ruin your stupid "coolness factor" or whatever you called it. The very fact that you place a "coolness factor" on your friends is just pathetic and obnoxious. Don't try to make up for your lack of self-esteem and self-confidence by spouting off meaningless, hallow numbers. 'Cause someday those friends aren't gonna be around, or their "coolness factor" might change and you're gonna be right back where you started, crying and alone in your dorm room. And while I may not be able to improve your "coolness factor", just know that i'm going to be there for you, and after all this BS that you've put me through, maybe I'll actually be able to understand you better.
So to end, i think i'll take a cue from Eminem in 8 Mile now: Yeah, I don't have many friends, I stay home a lot, I don't go out and meet women in bars, I don't drink or smoke or do any drugs. I'm not always good at showing affection. I do go to church a lot and i even like it. I am pretty quiet and shy. I can be sarcastic, but you know what, i like it. I don't have a big cock or wear big shoes, i'm not a fancy dresser. I've only slept with one woman and don't actively pursue sex. I've struggled with porn for many years. I sometimes feel very alone and unwanted. I'm not creative, i don't mix other peoples music. My car isn't nice or fast or loud, I don't have a job. I don't have much money and can't always buy you nice things to keep you happy because you have "more stuff." I don't have lots of nice things or interesting and funny stories to keep you entertained. I'm not some jester who's only purpose is to keep you entertained or a toy for you to play with. I do have feelings, I do cry. I do have priorities, hopes, aspirations, a caring heart, a love for people, and a future. I have desires and dreams and expectations of myself and others. I don't have the next five years of my life planned out, I don't waste my life away in a meaningless pursuit of pleasure and the ever-elusive "fun." I am a Christian, I am not ashamed of that, I want to live my life as such.
Now you tell these people something they don't already know about me.