First of all, I've been hassling my roommate a lot these past few days and I think its starting to wear thin on him, and myself for that matter. He's the leader of our Software Development project but I don't really give him the respect he deserves. Its hard to see such a good friend as an authority figure. He's got plenty of stress as the leader already and I'm just making it worse.
Today was Deb's birthday. She's been on my mind for a few weeks now, off and on, but today I couldn't stop thinking about her. I sent her an SMS message this morning wishing her a happy birthday, not really sure if or how she would respond. She apparently still doesn't want to talk to me because she either still has me blocked or has gone so far as to get a new screen name and not tell me. But at the same time she also called me after getting her tongue pierced and we talked for over half an hour. I also got an email from her entitled "The Characteristics of Friendship." I was really hoping maybe that email was to be a turning point in our friendship but nothing has changed yet. Maybe it wasn't intended for me, maybe it was just a mistake or some bad habit of emailing stuff to me that she just hasn't "gotten over" yet. What was once a glimmer of hope has pretty much faded now and just increased the chaos and confusion in my brain. Its at a time like this that I can understand why some people turn to drugs, alcohol, and meaningless sex to try to forget about problems and their past. A few years ago, that might have been the path I had chosen. These days I find that prayer and the support of other Christians is far more effective. While I don't get to spend much time with her, Rachel has been an awesome friend to me recently. I think reading "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" has really helped me to see her as a Christian sister instead of as "the one who got away." My love for her will never die, so I just have to learn how to use that to serve her. My feelings for Deb are much the same, but I'm having a much, much harder time making the change within myself to see her as I should and assume the proper role in her life.
Speaking of proper roles, Aaron and I have discussed a few topics brought up in his Bible class recently. His teacher is such an awesome facilitator of discussion and somehow, despite the class being on ancient Israelite poetry, the class began to discuss the role of women in the church. Someone in his class made the argument that in a culture such as ours with Women's "Liberation" and so many strong, single mothers, that the model of male spiritual leadership, as laid out in the Bible, does not apply to our culture. This kid comes from a very similar church background as myself, and is even the son of a very well respected preacher in the church, but his statement clearly shows the effect that new age thought has when mixed with the truth of Christianity. Is he seriously trying to say that God, the God of Abraham, Issac, and Jacob, the creator and sustainer of the universe and everything in it, who is omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent, who was, and is, and is to come, the Alpha and the Omega... this God, failed to make sufficient plans for out culture in the year 2004? Obviously this 20-something college student is a far greater source of knowledge. I wonder how long it took him to come to this revelation. Did it just hit him one day while pondering life? Or did he put months of thought into formulating his idea? Whatever length of time, I'm willing to bet its less than the eternity God had whenever he was formulating his plan for us. What other areas should we apply this to? Sex is fairly rampant in society. Shall we just assume God's plan for sex to be a sacred bond between a husband and wife to be out-dated now? Can I just decide that it's OK for me to have sex with whomever I please now? "The foolishness of God is wiser than men." (1 Corinthians 1:25) Even if God did make some mistake, it would still be far better than any scheme man could devise. Who are we to tell God his plans aren't good enough?
[And now an example of why I shouldn't write poetry]
There is purpose and a reason,
There is a time and a season,
There is one God and one Lord,
There is one Book and one Word.
We each have our place
In his salvation and grace.
He's laid out a plan, and
Now we must do what we can,
To live as lights in this dark world,
Following the design from when time began.
[That sounded a lot better at 4am :- ]